:: a week in the loony bin ::

This post is to help me maybe figure myself out again and maybe get some suggestions as to how I can be better at life.

 I am feeling like I need to check into the loony bin. Since having Ryker I have felt pretty good and motivated about life, our home, helping Brady, making friends, serving others, trying to be a good wife, and mom. I have struggled with feeling good about myself.  I have always struggled with weight and my body image. Gaining weight with my pregnancy was a hard one for me and it has been even more of a struggle trying to work it off. I have been very diligent about exercising 4-6 days a week and trying to eat healthy and yet I have only managed to lose 1 pound since Ryker's 6 week appointment. That ='s very depressing and a major motivation killer. I know muscle weighs more than fat but I feel like like I should have made a little more progress than this. I also have to remind myself daily that it took me 9 months to put it on and it will take at least 9 to work it off. But that still does not help me feel pretty or good in my body. I know that I should get dressed daily but putting on jeans can be depressing because it reminds me of how much I dislike my body right now. Brady is super sweet and always reminding me that I am looking better and what I am doing is working. Do I actually listen to the words he is saying? NO. Why? That is a very good question and I am trying to figure that one out myself. Reason 1 why I should be in the loony bin. 

Reason 2 all I want to do all day is sleep. I know Ryker has reverted back to getting up 3-4 times a night but I feel like if he would allow me to I could/wold sleep all day long. Not healthy I know. Days that all I do is sleep, feed Ryker, play with Ryker, and repeat all day long are very depressing and me realize how pathetic I really am and what my life has become. Not a good combination because as I am typing this the logistical Lindsay knows I am better than this but the crazy Lindsay can't help but think this. 

People are always saying to me "I know how busy you are" but they are totally wrong. I am not busy. I am board and lonely and don't want to leave my house for fear that when I come home we will have been robbed again. I have never been much of a home body but now I am because of this fear. I know I need to get over it and all will be better but I am having a hard time trying to figure out how to? I have many "projects" that I should/need to work on but can't seem to motivate myself to do them. 

A friend said to me that this could be winter blues. I have never had issues with the winter so it got me wondering... or is it baby blues? How do I tone down the crazy and get back to being social and myself so Ryker and I have more fun and enjoy life more? 

Reason 3 I feel that all of the changes in the past year have taken toll on mine and Brady's relationship. Before going back to school Brady and I got to spend every night chatting and playing games. We loved this. Now we eat dinner together and talk for about 20 minuets total most days. I feel like we need to learn how to court each other again but I don't know how to. We are much too young to be having this boring of a relationship. We need to find the fun, the giggles, the tickles, the love of our friendship/relationship again. 

Reason 4 how do I get out of the house more with Ryker but not spend any money? I am trying very hard to reduce our living expenses but what can you do with a 6 month old that is FREE and not in your house? I was really looking forward to being able to going running and on lots of walks until my jogger was stolen {lame thief - I HATE you}. Atlanta is a tricky city for going on walks anyway. One moment you are on a sidewalk and the next the sidewalk stops and then starts again on the next block. But all of the roads are too busy to just walk down without a sidewalk therefore creating a problem for trying to walk anywhere with a baby. 

I think it is just time for some change. I don't know what kind of change I am looking for or what will help me get out of this funk I am in but it needs to happen soon before Brady really does have to check me in the loony bin. Maybe changing my hair will help? Should I cut layers? bangs? chop it all off? Alright my stylist friends what are your suggestions for me in this department? I need a new look. 

After typing this all out I am already feeling a tiny bit better about myself. Thanks for helping me be just a little less crazy. 

:: wowza big boy ::

My handsome little dude had his 6 month check up today. 

22 lbs. 12oz {100 percentile}

28 1/2" tall {97 percentile}

I love these jammies on Ryker. They are 12month and skin tight on him but look so cute on him. He was having a blast with daddy's hat on. He is already a Jazz fan like his daddy. 

Yes he is already wearing 12-18 month clothes and has just about out grown his baby car seat. We better have another boy to actually get some wear out of all our boy clothes. 

My milk must be something special. I have a sweet friend who told me I should sell this magic milk to a hospital - it would be coveted and worth some good $$. Given our finical situation it was a tempting thought for about a half a second then it grossed me out. Also I don't think I have it in me to produce any more than I already am. Ryker still eats about every 2 hours and it is very draining on my body. It is hard work to make the goods. My mom is always saying Ryker is going to be a NFL linebacker and now I am starting to believe her. We shall see. I really just think it would be funny if he really does end up being a super star football player and going back someday and reading this blog post {I am going to print this off in a book} and remembering that we predicted his future at such a young age. 

Being a gansta with daddy's hat on and showing off my 2 big teeth. 

:: this one is for Brady ::

We were watching the news the other night and they did a piece on Matty B Raps. He is this 7 year old Atlanta child rapper click HERE {sorry I am lame and don't know how to put a You Tube video on my blog so you have to click the link} to see Brady's favorite music video. I am not much a fan of You Tube but this keeps playing at our house. It is pretty dang funny. His lyrics are super creative {and fit his age} and he has sweet dance moves. 

Sam, Jaclyn, and Marissa I think you will enjoy this. I know how much ya'll love You Tube. 

:: happy 6 months baby ryker ::

 Today is our sweet baby Ryker's 6 month birthday. I can't believe that he has been apart of our family for that long already. Man does time really go by faster once you have kids. 

Here is a recap of the last 6 months of "Tiny's" life. 

Born July 22, 2010 - he just had his first bath and I was laying in my bed trying to take pictures of him. I could not get out because the epidural had not yet worn off. It was killing me to not hold him at this time. 

 1 month old and wearing his curious eyes. They were his favorite kind of eyes for a LONG time. I think he was still trying to figure out if he liked us and that is why he wore them for so long.  Oh look he already had his double chin. I didn't remember that. 

 2 months - blessing day. He was super lucky to be so loved and have Nana & Papa and Granny and Grandpa come for the occasion. 

 3 months and loving his first Halloween. Well maybe not loving it but Brady and I sure loved seeing him all dressed up. I think his face is saying "why? why would you do this to me mom?"

 4 months and loving our trip to the aquarium. His favorite part was watching the penguins. 

5 months and Ryker's first Christmas and trip to Utah. He had so much fun meeting family and friends for the first time. 

6 months and showing off his adorable personality. 

Our tiny guy is anything but tiny but we still love the nick name. Nana keeps saying he is going to be a line backer and make us some $$ someday and Brady and I will still be calling him "Tiny" when he is 6'5" and 

235 lbs. Papa seems to think "buba" is a more appropriate name for him. 

I love singing songs with this little guy. He giggles so hard and it is the sweetest sound on this earth. I need to have Brady take a video of it so ya'll can enjoy it also. When ever I am having a hard/bad day it always makes me feel better after snuggling up with this little guy. He warms my heart and his toothy grin is a sight to see. He is growing so fast but he still loves snuggling with me and those are my favorite moments of the day. I am going to miss these moments when he gets bigger. 

We love you baby Ryker! Happy 1/2 birthday!! 

::It's official I HATE Atlanta ::

I feel that it is uncharacteristic of myself to say that I hate something but in this case all I can say is I HATE Atlanta! I had really loved everything about this city until 2011. We had even contemplated the idea of staying here after we are done with school. That idea is no longer on the table in my mind. 

Are you asking yourself WHY? 

Because we have now been robbed twice in the past month and we supposedly live in one of the safest apartment communities in the city near the university. Yesterday Ryker and I were having a great day - he had napped really well, I was able to exercise, we were having fun playing and we headed out to the grocery store and come to see our jogger has been stolen from our front porch. It was chained up with my bike and some lame-o person decided it would be nice of them to take some chain cutters {who even owns these?} and cut our chain and take what is ours. 

I feel unsafe and like we have a target painted on our apartment. With all of that has happened this month I went to the leasing office to see what they could do and now we are MOVING to a different apartment in the complex. Our apartment is finally all put together and feels like a home {we just finished hanging drapes in the bedrooms this week} and now I {yes ME because Brady has to study like a mad man} get to pack everything up and move to a new apartment and I only have 1 week to get everything ready for this. 

This shall be a new experience for me to learn how to keep Ryker self entertained long enough that I might actually be able to accomplish this. Our new apartment will be on the 2nd floor so hopefully we will be less of a target {right now we are on the basement  floor and there is no traffic other than us}and apparently that makes us a higher target for this kind of stuff. 

I guess there is one positive note in all of this our rent will be going down $70 a month. WAHOO!! Now with this change we can afford a storage unit to put our bikes and strollers since we don't have the option to lock them up outside anymore. 

All I can say is good thing tonight is girls recipe night because I really need a night out before I have to digest all of this. 

:: snow day or should i say week ::

Brady was supposed to start school this week but could not due to snow and ice storms here in Georgia. Being from Utah where it snows 5 months out of the year it is crazy to think that 5 inches of snow can shut down a city for an entire week. The roads were covered in INCHES yes INCHES of ice and very unsafe to drive on so Brady and I were held hostage in our apartment to avoid getting in a wreck.

 But little did I know this was going to be a HUGE blessing to have Brady home with me and Ryker all week. This week has by far been the hardest week for me since Ryker has been born. He has been teething and his second tooth finally came in yesterday. I love my sweet baby but he has not been himself all week. He has been up every 2 hours at night screaming and not napping much in the day either. Needless to say I have been a zombie all week due to lack of sleep and a monster for a baby. Brady and I had a wonderful routine worked out at about 7am I would feed Ryker and hand him off to Brady and get to sleep for 2 more hours and then once I woke up Brady would get to go back to sleep.  This saved me. 

Today {I know it's Saturday} Brady went back to school and I was very nervous to be alone to deal with Ryker. Much to my surprise he was more like himself. He slept a little bit more last night, so I was able to sleep more and then he actually too two, two hour naps today. I was in heaven and Ryker and I were friends today. 

Some of you might think I am crazy for think/saying this but it amazes me to see how much Ryker understands what I say to him. He is already learning how to throw fits and arch his back so he about flips out of my arms and just screams and nothing will comfort him. I have started saying "OK Ryker if you are going to keep crying then you need to go to bed." and then I put him in his bed. {This is the only way I can deal with his screaming fits} Tonight Brady and I were trying to eat dinner and Ryker did not want to play in his rocking chair so when I picked him up and still would not stop crying I said "If you want to stay up with mommy and daddy then you need to be happy and not cry" a few seconds later he stopped crying. See he totally understands me and he is only 5 months old. I love it. 

The worst part of Brady having to go to school this weekend is we were supposed to go to Mississippi to meet little miss Ayla and see Blake and Annie. I have been looking forward to this trip for weeks. I hope we can find another weekend soon to make it out there. 

 We did venture out for a few walks this week to have a change of our 1200 sq feet apartment. Ryker looks so funny all bundled up and in the Bjorn. I love it. This walk took us an hour to get to Whole Foods which is on the other side of our fence because the parking lot was just that icy. When we got home I managed to lose Ryker's mitten {I was very devastated over this}I went through everything in our house 3 times and then while playing on the floor with Ryker this morning I saw it hiding under the sofa. Don't worry I did check under there and somehow missed twice. 

Ryker has discovered that not wearing pants is much more comfortable and all of the cool kids do it. 

I did not truly believe or understand just how icy it was this week. Click HERE to see for yourself. If only my skates were not stolen in our break in last week I could have joined this guy. 

I am glad that the three of us survived this week and did not kill one another but I am mostly glad to start being productive again. 

:: a very merry Christmas x 2 ::

Brady, Ryker, and I we so blessed to be able to spend the Christmas holiday's with both of our families in Utah. It was a fun relaxing trip full of game playing, tasty food, late night chats, movie watching, PJ parties, and good company. We even got to enjoy a good snow storm. I love snow. 

Ryker and Savannah getting some good Christmas cheer on before we had "Christmas morning" with the Wood's. We were so spoiled and are so blessed to have such wonderful families who love us so much. 

Ryker's favorite part of Christmas was eating the wrapping paper. It was cooler than his toys in his mind. 

Granny and Grandpa Wood gave Ryker his daddy's favorite Jammies EVER. GO JAZZ!! My handsome Jazz loving guys. 

Savannah fell in love with Ryker and it was super cute. She would come up to me and say "he loves me, a lot!" It would crack me up every time. She played really well with him and she will be a great big sister someday. 

Ryker loved watching us get wild and crazy while playing games and this face was just too cute to pass up making the blog. 

Merry Christmas Eve at the Rabner house. 

I was awful at taking pictures this trip. One of my new years goals is to take more pictures of the three of us doing things. 

The boys doing some late night wrapping. 

Merry Christmas morning. Ryker was so much fun and loved opening his presents. I can't wait for a life time of more Christmas mornings with my cute little family. It is true life is much more fun with kids around. 

Daddy and Ryker on Christmas night. Yes we did stay in our PJ's all day long. We did brush our teeth and hair but that is as far as getting ready for the day went. And I am not ashamed about it. We spent the day playing with all of our new games, eating {of course}, and trying out Ryker's new toys. 

4 generations picture.

Brady's grandpa Memmot, Granny, Daddy, and Ryker. Grandpa kept saying "wow he is a solid one". 

Brady and Ryker were able to have LOADS of much needed time together. They are just the happiest guys together. Brady and our mom's have truly saved me over this vacation. I have been drained and so tired that I could not get out of bed in the mornings and take care of my baby. The three of them were so much help and took care of my Ryker baby so I could get a few more hours of sleep so I could be a happy mommy. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all of your help. It was wonderful to not be doing it all on my own for a few weeks. I look forward to the day when Brady is done with school and I get to have him around more and have his help more. He does help me A LOT but it is just hard with school. There are not enough hours in the day for him to study as much as he needs, go to school, and spend loads of time with me and Ryker. We are super grateful for Brady and all that he does for our family. He is the best daddy. 

My boys are so proud of each other and I am proud of them. They are the best! 

We had the wonderful opportunity to go to the Carl Bloch exhibition at the BYU museum of art. It was absolutely beautiful and the spirit was so strong. This was my favorite of the alter pieces. I love seeing the savior with the child. It warms my heart. 

I highly recommend you go see this exhibit. It is FREE and wonderful! 

Ryker loves to sing songs with Nana. 

I also think that my hat looks absolutely adorable on him. 

My boys are so excited to go swimming - Ryker's first time going for a dip in the pool. He loved it. This summer is going to be a blast with Ryker in the pool. 

Ryker loved jumping in the pool. I love his little rolls that have recently developed. They are very adorable. 

Ryker grew and developed so much on our Utah trip.

• He grabs at everything in sight
• He thinks his bottle is a toy and loves chewing on it but not drinking out of it
• He sits up and plays with his toys on the floor
• He has 2 teeth - they have been miserable getting them for all three of us. Ryker has been a major monster through this process. He is up every 2 hours at night screaming and only napping for about 1 hour during the day. So we are all sleep deprived and grumpy in the Wood house this week.
• He talks like crazy. It has been super fun hearing him find his voice
• He thinks he needs to be held 24/7 and be the center of attention {this habit is proving tricky to break}
• He loves swimming in the big bathtub like a fish
• He loves being naked and grabbing his toes
• He has turned into the blow-out king. Good thing he has tons of clothes.
• He has the worst gas EVER! He could clear a room with it. It cracks me and Brady up sometimes that something so stinky could come out of someone so small. 
• He loves jumping in his new jumper. He is getting better at it everyday. 

Our trip to Utah was a blast and a much needed vacation full of relaxing. We are happy to be home now and getting back into the swing of life. 

:: A New Year to Remember ::

Brady, Ryker, and I arrived back in Atlanta after a month vacation in Utah. We had a wonderful trip with both families and came home to an unforgeable sight. I unlocked our front door and saw wood and wood shavings laying all over the floor. My first thought was "that is odd why would maintenance have been in here while we were gone?" then I looked up and noticed our TV was gone. My mind started racing. REALLY. REALLY we were robbed? How did this happen? Why did this happen to us? I drop all of the luggage that I was holding and start searching our house to see what was taken. I look at the clock and see the management office is still open and I run over there to see what I need to do. While I am in the office it really hits me what just happened. I start freaking out and crying. Why would someone do this to us? Luckily the girls in the office were really nice and walked me through what I needed to do. 

Step 1 - call 911 and have an officer come out. DUH! {I didn't even think of that on my own.}

Step 2 - call USAA and report it to our renters insurance

Step 3 - breath - it's only STUFF that was taken we are all safe and OK

Step 4 - call Mom

We learned that a few days after we headed out to Utah a few other units were broken into also. So some lame-o's made off with our TV, Laptop, XBox 360, Wii, games, 2 pairs of ice skates and my hockey bag. We feel very violated having some strangers in our house riffling through our things. Thank goodness our complex has been so great to work with. Now our door has a metal plate through the frame with 6" screws holding it in place. I would like to see you try and kick in our door now suckers! {OK not really, but the carpenter said they would have to take the entire door off for them to get in again} This makes me feel a LOT safer now. I am scared for when Brady goes back to school on Monday and Ryker and I will be on our own again. I hope I can feel safe in our home again. 

I am so glad that we have renters insurance and that they were very easy to work with through all of this. So if you don't have renters insurance you should get it. It has saved us! 

Let's hope the rest of this year has better fortune than this for us. 

Happy New Year! 

:: family of 3 ::

We had family photos taken of the three of us today and they turned out AMAZING. I am so in love with our cute family. Nikki Crandall did a wonderful job.

CLICK HERE

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